When my father turned 82 years old, my sister and I were absolutely frightened by Dad’s lack of judgment and skills associated with driving.  We were afraid that he was going to hurt himself or worse yet, someone else.  He lived in California and neither of us was in a position to be able to really address the issue.

On a visit to his medical doctor, the doctor mentioned to him that it was not a good thing for him to be driving.  In his poor cognitive state, Dad thought that the doctor told him that he couldn’t drive any longer.  He was very upset when I talked to him on the phone.

I was relieved that he believed that he was no longer supposed to be driving because I had no idea how we would ever get him to stop without physically going to his home, taking the keys away and selling his car.  The thought of that approach was emotionally difficult to deal with and would create great tension and strain in our family.  Not to mention the challenges associated with taking away Dad’s independence and freedom of mobility.

Just about this time, having been a Veteran of World War II, Dad decided that he wanted to live in the Veteran’s home located in Barstow, California to be with some of his fellow veterans.  While residents of the Veteran’s home had the option of driving, Dad was still under the impression that he wasn’t supposed to be driving.  We had made arrangements to have his car brought to the home, but supported the notion that he was not able to be driving.

Every time we talked, he lamented over the fact that he couldn’t drive.  He was angry at the doctor and claimed till the day that he passed on that he was able to drive.  It wasn’t till after he died that I found out the real story about his driving.  He still had a valid driver’s license in his wallet and the doctor told us that he had never legally restricted Dad from driving, neither had the State of California intervened to take his license away.

Our family’s method of dealing with a very emotionally charged problem was to not really address it!  I didn’t have any idea where to turn or how to address this problem in an amicable and dignity-preserving way for my father.  In some ways, we were fortunate that Dad had the impression that the doctor had restricted him legally, but such was not the case.  It was a very complicated, painful and difficult problem that never was addressed properly.